So, I did what I always do when I want to jump from thin ice straight into the Bering Strait … I consulted L. Morale, if I may speak frankly, is sucking egg through a straw around here. To the point where things are getting ugly. Recent and current events ranging from the tragic to the political seem to have divided, even polarized, my staff along cultural and philosophical lines. If you recall my entry from last week, I’ve been a bit concerned about the emotional well-being of my employees here at Page & Spine International Headquarters and Gift Shop. Is anyone else expecting another size sixteen wingtip to drop about now? “Uh, no, the other one … Miracle Whipple Weslyan.” The fellow I’m thinking of is a crisis counselor trained at the most prestigious clinic in the Midwest.” “Ah, Freida-Rick, I haven’t thought of him/her for years. “The Finnish transsexual who performs a one-person version of Porgy and Bess?” “Not the international mercenary who moonlights as a career counselor, I hope.” “Not the rodeo clown who doubles as a motivational speaker, right?” He inflated his cheeks, then blew out the air. “Oh nurse, 20ccs of Twenty-First Century, stat!” “You mean Twilight, Granny.” Ollie shouted over his shoulder. “What? It’s all rage, right? Beautiful teenaged monsters growing hair and fangs …” “Vampires and werewolves? Twilight Zone?” Next thing you know, they’ll be turning into those Twilight Zone vampires and werewolves! ” “My people seem to be going crazy out there. “You’re not helping, Ollie.” I pointed toward the hallway outside my office. What, you think you know more than the ancient Mayans and the guy with the sign who marches in front of the OTB parlor?” “Well, first of all, you could stop with these dire hell-in-a-hand-basket predictions. The world seems to be going to hell in a hand-basket, and it’s taking a toll on my employees. “Nah, water-boarding would wreck your coiffure.” “I shouldn’t ask how you know that, should I?” “Well, that’s not my first choice, but the Washington D.C. “You want me to drug my own employees, is that it?” Oliver Bright while rooting around in his own rather suspicious pillbox. “Just sprinkle a little crushed Lorazapam on their jelly doughnuts every morning,” suggested L. (Okay, I’m a cultural fossil, but Lassie was an uplifting and important show, so get off my back, will you?)įrankly, all this unrest scares me, and I don’t know what to do about it. I’m talking red-faced, clenched-fisted bark-fests! I mean Lassie would be offended by the dogfights that break out during coffee-breaks. But these days all anyone is talking about is the fiscal cliff, gun control, Congressional gridlock, and my-red-State-can-beat-up-your blue State. And I’m not talking about civilized discussions here.
I remember a time when the only controversy looming around the water cooler was ‘Who shot J.R.?’(yes, I know, that’s another cultural anachronism). My employees to be specific.Įmbarking upon this new year, I’m disturbed by the amount of actual barking going on around me. At the risk of demonstrating just how far behind I am in ‘culture speak’ I have to ask: Who let the dogs out?
Sometimes, I have to deal with people on a more personal, one-to-one basis.
YOUTUBE GATORADE JOCK JAMS VOLUME 1 PROFESSIONAL
As the titular (settle down, Ollie, it doesn’t mean what it sounds like) head of the corporate and cultural behemoth known as Page & Spine, I’m sometimes called upon to deal with issues that can’t be explained in pie charts, or illustrated in professional PowerPoint presentations.
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